We are in the midst of a long transition. We have been for a while, since May, really. We have been planning and looking ahead while also soaking up the last times we do things. Today is a big milestone, my last day working at Pinnacle. My transition has been most obvious in my time here. Not getting assigned new projects for the past few months and wrapping up and handing off designs for my current projects. Trying to stay motivated to do the things I need to do, but don’t enjoy doing. It’s hard looking ahead and looking back at the same time.
Everything I do these days, I consider, “Will this be the last time I do this?” or “Will I ever do this again?” This will become even more evident as we leave our community in Houston. I will have to start asking, “When will I see this person again?” The excitement of the future is weighed down by the past. I find myself pre-mourning my losses at times, and trading the sadness for unbridled excitement at others. I think often of Andy Bernard’s quote: “I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.” Sometimes I’m worried that we are leaving behind the “good old days;” sometimes I think they are still ahead. In reality, I need to be living each day to it’s fullest and deepest. I often long for the future and the past instead of enjoying or working hard in the present. You can get trapped in a cycle of over-analyzing the past, and mis-predicting the future if you aren’t careful.
I have to come back to my conviction that God has called me and my family away, to do great things for his Kingdom and the people He cares so desperately for. He has called us away from family, friends, culture, freedoms, and security. But, I can’t forget the things He has called me to: To freedom in Christ, to new friendships, a new culture, and my eternal security is found in Him. I once heard in a church in downtown Kampala a preacher talk about God revealing his plans for your life. His revelation is a bit like a scroll, where everything behind and ahead is covered up and all we can see is what he is telling us to do now.
So I will trust Him that good times will be ahead, because of all the good times that have already been had, so that I can focus on the good to be done at hand.